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hello my friends! my apprenticeship has been good. in 6 months i'm getting better at my job all the time, learning constantly and, i say that overall, i am happy. things have been a little crazy this month....
i work with a good crew of guys. small. ranging from 3-7 people. they tease me constantly, which sometimes is annoying, and sometimes just plain goofy, but it is typically the way things go for apprentices. in the world of construction, nicknames run rampant. i've worked with No Vise and Playa on my current job. i made the mistake of saying that nicknames never stick to me and one of the guys made it his mission to find the perfect name. i have an old ratty hoodie from my college days that i wear when i'm working on grungy tasks. usually this means cleaning my bathroom, but sometimes i wear it to work. it has a huge cincinnati decal with an embroidered "bearcat" below the decal. the guys latched on and now they call me bearcat, which of course is madly funny because i am the smallest person on the crew making me the least intimidating person. it's endless amusement for them.
"watch out! bearcat's getting into the panel! she'll rip it up!"
one of their favorites is to talk about what it would be like to get a call to report to a job and the contact name you have for the foreman is "bearcat". they would get there and i would walk out. commence belly-laughing. it's also immensely amusing to them that i cook all the time and bring in delicious food to eat for lunch. most guys eat a pb&j sandwich or a microwave meal. i take the time on sun nights to plan out my meals for the week. i like trying new recipes and eat a lot of veggies, so my lunches are extremely diverse.
"katie you should get your own show. cooking with bearcat! we could come and sit in the audience and yell bearcat. but you'll have gotten so big you'd probably kick us out."
the guys have constructed a whole life for me surrounding this nickname. when i started going back to the gym regularly, one of the guys comments that i'm going to get ripped. this lead to a constructed scenario of me posing for swimsuit illustrated wearing a hard hat, holding a pie in one hand and a drill in the other with the title "bearcat!" splashed across the front. they have even got the foreman calling me bearcat. it's definitely an official nickname. so much for not sticking.
a couple of weeks ago the foreman lent me out to another job to help them meet a deadline. i got there and the foreman showed me what he needed and walked away. there wasn't an orientation to the site or any guidance for what he wanted. if i were a journeyman this would be a normal occurrence, but i am a baby apprentice and really should be working closely with a journeyman. i decided that i would just push through and figure it out. i asked questions where i needed to and pushed my comfort zone. in reality, the work wasn't crazy hard, i just had never done it before and so there was a small amount of nervousness in my stomach the whole time. the tool that scares me the most of the job is the sawzall (picture shown is not what i normally do with a sawzall...). it can jump around a lot when cutting through pipe and your hands are always close trying to hold the pipe and sawzall steady. i struggle with the strength to hold it steady. but on this day i pushed myself and rocked it.
but things do not always go so well with all the tools. about 4 hours into the job i was mounting metal junction boxes in a framed metal stud wall. i was on a ladder trying to screw the box through the side from the left. first i tried holding the drill with my right hand but couldn't get the leverage to get the screw started so i moved it to my left hand and held the box steady against the stud with my right. while going full speed ahead the drill came in contact with the glove (kevlar gloves to keep from cutting yourself on the metal parts. my company has a 100% glove policy) on the back of my right hand and sucked it in taking my fingers with it in a clockwise motion. i screamed at the top of my lungs and when all the guys on the job site came running they found me standing on a ladder with a drill in my left hand and a mangled mess of a glove that should have been my right hand wrapped around the drill. i was freaked that my fingers were a mess inside the glove. i couldn't feel anything nor could i make out a definable shape of a hand so i was sure that i would find something horrible. after the journeyman unwrapped my glove from the drill, i turned around and pulled it off. to my surprise my fingers were intact however they were bent back farther than i can take them normally.
from there the workman's comp/safety person took over. i had xrays and spent hours in urgent care. as the adrenaline wore off i began to freak out. i kept picturing the glove/drill/mangled mess. i can't remember exactly what happened at the very moment the drill caught the glove, but shudder when i hypothesize. i run it in slow motion through my head. i waited for at least an hour for the doctor in a little room by myself and had nothing to distract my horrible thoughts (why do they never have magazines in those little rooms when you need one). by the time the doctor got there i began instantly sobbing while telling her what happened. i couldn't get the details out of my mouth. this was my moment of panic and i thank god that i didn't have it on the job site with a crew of guys i don't know.
my hand had swelled like a balloon instantly, but the middle and ring finger on my right hand were definitely in worse shape than the others. the diagnosis was two hyper-extended fingers. they mentioned something looked suspicious on the xray, but after a second opinion, they concluded nothing was broken. they threw a splint on it told me to take some advil and ice it and sent me home.
fast forward to now. the accident was investigated and i was found to have been doing everything right. it was freak accident. i've been working like usual and really the pain in my fingers isn't that bad unless i bend them back at all. by wed i made the decision at my boss's urging to see another doctor because even though they look better the swelling hasn't gone down and i can't straighten my fingers. after another set of xrays the doctor came in to tell me that my fingers are indeed broken. i broke the bone on the underside of the knuckle where the tendon attaches. just when i'd started to feel better about the accident i was thrown right back into a scary place. hand therapy here i come. hopefully from here everything will work out ok.
overall, i feel lucky. i did not lose a finger. my company has been extremely helpful. my boss has been super supportive. and i got a new doctor who saw what could have been a crippling condition and jumped at getting me help. the pain has been minimal (so far....enter hand therapy) and i can still do most things normally. it's actually going to be difficult for me to slow down a bit and let it heal.
my regular crew was so upset about my accident; there's nothing worse than a bearcat with a mangled claw.
everyone always wants to know what it's like to work in a field dominated by men. how do they treat you? I've worked a number of jobs in the last ten years. some with a good ratio of diversity and some not so much. in most of them, i've been treated as another worker. i would say fairly. however, i've also seen discrimination in jobs that appear to be the most professional and require the highest levels of education. I also seen sexual harassment in a educational setting that was meant to be a safe space to learn and grow. I was not scared of harassment and discrimination on the job site. i was most nervous about proving myself as a worker.
the guys i work with on my current job are all around extremely helpful and eager to share their knowledge. they have taught me so much in a short amount of time. they have a lot of stories and recognize that i am hard worker. i feel a lot of respect for their experience and amazing personalities. they tell stories and love to razz each other. i love it.
that's the good. then there is a flip side. i have a tough skin so i'm barely phased by a lot of things. however, within the first day, i was the shocked recipient of classic sexual harassment. it came in form of sexually loaded comments about my body. i almost didn't believe it at first and i was left with a dilemma - how do i handle it? I've sat through so many corporate seminars about how to handle it. "call this number." "talk to your supervisor or hr." "we have an open door policy." "we will not tolerate it." you all know the "talks" i'm talking about. but it's never as clear cut as sounds and i never imagined i'd be someone in that position. i mean, it's my first day. i don't know any of the crew or the dynamics between them. he's a journeyman, i'm an apprentice. i just want to do a good job and prove that i'm capable without drawing attention to myself for other reasons. but instead of just going straight to work without any hassles, i encounter a guy that starts making slimy comments to me, about me. i knew i needed to do something about it, but how was i supposed to handle it? so i waited. timing is everything. and more comments came. so i started writing them down. i was lucky enough to not have to work with the guy often, and with every comment he gave i didn't react. he weirded me out though. i was nervous to be alone with him and worried about him following me into spaces while i was alone. theses are the situations that scream classic harassment. but i also had a feeling that he didn't mean harm as well. i thought that it was possible his statements came from a place of not knowing how to communicate appropriately with women. professionally communicate. he only knows the sexual level. i figured i needed to let him know it wasn't ok, but how?
overall the comments had tapered off a little bit. a couple of weeks ago he made a small comment in front of another guy apprentice on our walk to our cars. i saw my moment to set my disapproval. "you know, sometimes you're really creepy." the apprentice laughed. the journeymen looked shocked.
then last week i was partnered to work with him. alone. the morning went well. then afternoon came and went. no problems. day two, and almost immediately he made a comment. now was my moment. "you know, that was creepy."
"you really think i'm creepy?"
"ummmm...." a long pause. work continues. "you know, i don't necessarily think you're a creep, but some of the things you say to me are inappropriate at times and what you said before is a good example."
"oh." he scratches his head.
"i've got a tough skin, but there is a boundary that shouldn't be crossed and you moved past it." i felt like i had finally said it, but had he heard what I was saying?
silence followed for awhile. we worked and conversation went to other topics. finally, as we were wrapping things up for the day..."i want to thank you for saying something to me earlier. i didn't mean anything..."
i had been heard! "no problem. no hard feelings." i was amazed that i had approached that icky situation and been successful without getting anyone in trouble or making it more uncomfortable. i followed my gut feeling that he didn't mean anything malicious by his comments even if they did make me nervous.
the next day i ran into him alone before work started. "you know, i told my girlfriend about you last night and what you said to me about....you know...and she asked me what i had said. i told her and she told me i was an idiot. i just wanted to say thank you for having the balls to say something to me."
god, i can't believe i handled it! and then he thanked me for saying something to him! twice! unbelievable. i know that people can't always handle sexual harassment and discrimination in that way, but i found that once i established myself as a good worker and gave him the benefit of the doubt (despite being totally creeped out) and a chance to right the situation it worked out in the end. this guy wasn't a complete asshole, just clueless and tactless. it gave me strength and the next time i encounter anything like that i know i can handle it, maybe not in the same way, but it's possible. we are all capable of so much more than we are.
update: after attending a two week "boot camp" to condition me for the rigors of the electrical field, i went to work construction. i learn new things everyday and the stories of my everyday life are never ending. it's time to end my procrastination and flood your email inbox with my wordy diatribe.
boot camp.
this intense two week class sought to prep a group of green soon-to-be apprentices to start work. we skimmed over the basics of electricity (watched a archaic "how electricity works" video), read the code book (a real snorer), wired circuits in a booth with a sample wood framed wall, and bent conduit (with our bare hands...grrrrrrrrr....and a bender). we got licensed to drive a fork lift, scissor lift and 60' boom lift. with every task we did we were evaluated to determine if we could hack it on the job. in other words our teacher had the discretion of excusing anyone who wasn't good enough. as if going through a year long process of applying, taking a test, interviewing, reapplying and re-interviewing wasn't enough, i had to quit my job and perform well in a class for two weeks without pay to prove i was capable to go to work in the electrical field. it makes sense in a crazy way, but it adds a level of intensity to the group that is almost unbearable. for the first four days, no one in my group said a word or cracked as much as a smile. we were sweating it. then it occurred to me, that we were the creme de la creme. the top dogs. we were the top 15 people on a list of 360 people who interviewed. i had faith that, unless someone couldn't use a wrench (got that skill down), didn't do their homework (a personal problem) or didn't show up for class on time (another personal problem) then there are no worries. i wouldn't say my classmates ever truly relaxed, but i wasn't worried. at the end of two weeks no one was dismissed and we received a job assignment and hung out at the union hall with the union organizers. they bought us pizza and we talked union talk.
our teacher in boot camp had a dry sense of humor and years of stories to tell. he constantly talked about the lack of common sense in new apprentices these days. "how am i supposed to teach you that? you should learn that stuff before you get here." for our labs he bought light sockets with 6" wires hanging out the back (also called a pigtail) so we could easily connect and disconnect the light for each lab. "some bozo cut the pigtail. i went to the trouble of getting the more expensive light sockets to save time and some stupid kid cuts the most important part off. that is lack of common sense. i should have failed him in boot camp....ugh." before moving to the training center our teacher was an organizer for 12 years. he had worked as an electrician for almost 20 years before that. one of the most interesting conversations i had with him one on one was about his organizing experience. i wasn't an organizer for nearly as long as him (god, 12 years...i can't even imagine) but both of our organizing careers ended in union politics and posturing. i felt for him. i gave him my short explanation how my time came to an end, "I was laid off with a gag order," and he read between the lines and felt my pain and frustration. i don't meet people often who can read between the lines of my stock response. it's comforting.
my first job.
i am working construction. get down and dirty, physically challenging, skilled construction. for now i am commuting to a job renovating a space for a new top-notch solar panel facility in hillsboro, or (about 21 miles from my house). driving is a portion my job that i am least jazzed about. my commute can by anywhere from half and hour to and hour and a half. my little subaru wagon is making the long haul every day like a champ, but i worry how long that will last. maybe i should start performing a ritual to appease the gas-guzzling car gods. what kind of sacrifice does that require? does anyone know of a patron saint of driving or cars? i need one seeing as i am a poor, poor apprentice and I won't be making good money for at least a year. pray for that subaru.
every day at work is different. normally, a first term (out of ten terms) apprentice such as myself would be doing deliveries, organizing material, and cleaning up after journeymen electricians. the crew i'm with is small, so i am fortunate enough to be needed more for labor than for organizing supplies and pushing a broom. i am immensely grateful. the company i work for has developed a mentor program and assigns each new apprentice to a specific journeyman who can show the apprentice the ropes. i know it seems as if that would be normal, but the reality is much different. i get the impression that you typically learn stuff from every journeyman who work with. i jumped right in. the first space i worked in was the subfloor of the plant. it's where all the pipes and mechanical systems run. the space height fluctuates between 5' and 6'. then add in pipes, cable trays (like riverways for wire), lights, and all the support coming from every surface to support it all. it's like the pipes screensaver and i have to move through it to pull wire. it's like yoga meets twister meets limbo. it's also like caving. climb/crawl/squeeze through that space. position yourself in a weird position for hours to help pull the cable through.
i immediately needed good knee pads. my body is taking a beating. in my first week i amassed more bruises than i have in the last year (as most of you know, i bruise exceptionally easy (anyone remember my bike "wreck" of 2005 - gnarly!). one night i lay in bed and counted them: 70. crawling around in not-so-smooth carhartts has also caused me to develop calluses on my knees. i am not super thrilled with the idea of losing my smooth lady knees, but it beats chaffed tender knees. turning a screwdiver a million times = popeye forearms. i am also in the process if developing good hand muscles. this will be good for my bowling game and my thumb wrestling career. job skills can definitely translate into my hobbies.
start time, breaks, lunch, and quitting time are strict. i follow the journeymen's lead on everything, but there is never a worry that we are going to miss our breaks because they are on top of it. the plan is to be in your car and driving out of the parking lot at 3:30pm. no later. it's 12. stop what you are doing and eat. in response to working hard and strict timing of breaks, my body is becoming fine tuned like a clock. gggrrrrroooowwwllll. it's 9 o'clock. time for break. gggrrrrroooowwwllll. it's noon. time for lunch. gggrrrrroooowwwllll. it's 3:30. time to go home and eat some more. I think sometimes my day revolves more around food than anything else. i wake up, make coffee and breakfast, and pack a lunchbox with two snacks and a lunch. along with the ice pack, the thing weighs about 10lbs. i feel like i'm constantly cooking breakfast and meals for lunch and dinner. i envy the old men i work with who's wives/girlfriends pack their lunch. man oh man, why won't my dog get up early and make me a sandwich? there are some men who obviously don't have it so good. they are the ones who either don't eat at all during lunch (i can't even imagine this. my stomach would revolt) or nuke two hamburger patties in a tupperware. "do you have buns for those (thinking that's a new idea)?" "nope." "ketchup?" "nope." "oh." i have upped my food intake considerably starting my job. i think i'm eating well-balanced meals. i'm changing the way i prepare my meals so i can eat them on a jobsite with or without a microwave. i hope my food routine will become easier and more natural (ie. i hope i will become less obsessed with my daily intake of food).
more to come.....
ps. i love my job!
i saw the obstacle. i imagined i stood at the edge of a canyon and what i wanted was on one side. the traditional means of getting where i wanted to go weren't going to work. they were faulty. so i had to start thinking outside of the box. last october i interviewed with ibew hoping to score an apprenticeship that would start me out towards my vision for the life i want to live. i approached it like any other white collar job i've had in the past, thinking that would be good enough to get in. i ranked well, but not well enough. so i re-evaluated my approach. i was going to get to the other side of that damn canyon.
on may 14th i got my chance to beat the obstacle. i dressed the part by eliminating my femininity: tan carhartts, green men's polo shirt, boots, no jewelry, no makeup, short nails. i prepped a portfolio: varying pictures of me holding tools (doing demo, making planter boxes, changing the muffler on my car, etc), resume, certificates of safety classes, job site evaluations, oregon tradeswomen graduation certificate. i knew the questions and i studied them.
as i sat in a giant union hall with 20 other people and waited for my name to be called, i cheered myself on to be strong, assertive and ready to fight for the position. when i entered the room to be grilled by a combination of 4 journeymen electricians and managers, i confidently walked around the room, shaking everyone's hand firmly and handing out portfolios showing how awesome i am. i sat in the chair ready to show them who's boss. the 15 minutes flew by. i answered each question concisely, making sure to make eye contact with everyone. as it came to a close, there was one more question. the token manager of the group said, "that was a great interview. were you coached?"
"no. i have been working hard for this. i want to be an electrician."
i walked out of that room with the biggest shit-eating grin on my face. i knew i had nailed the interview. it was one of the proudest moments in my life. now i just had to wait to see the results and get my rank.
three weeks late the letter arrived with my score and my rank, 1 being the top person. i was ready to see how i did out of the 350 people that had interviewed in two days. i stood on the porch both nervous and excited, not even taking the time to remove my bike helmet from my daily commute. i tore open the letter.
rank: 7.
rank: 7!
RANK: 7!!!!!!!!
i jumped up and down on my porch screaming with excitement. holy shit. i did it. i am a rocket ship and i blasted right over the vastness that is the divide between this college educated, white collar woman and entrance into the building trades. i know that a long, hard road lies ahead, but i truly believe one of the hardest things was just fighting for my chance to prove that i am a good, hard worker and will make a damn good electrician.
next step will be orientation and then starting a new job as an entry level apprentice. timing isn't completely certain, but i am guessing i'll probably start the two week orientation in july. i'll keep you posted.
i am so ecstatic am can barely contain myself.
i've always been curious about how people live. i like hearing stories and learning about cultural differences. that being said, i grew up in a fairly sheltered environment, so as i step out into the real world my eyes are being opened. that and i'm learning to be grateful for my life. for instance. i will never think i'm a dirty person from now on. i may be messy at times, but never a slob.
on my first day as a cable girl i ventured out to see how people really live. granted, i was there to hook up their primo entertainment package via the boob tube, but i can't help scouring the scene and put together pieces of people's story. our first visit was a blank apartment. dirty. but not overly so. it was scarce as i would expect from low-income apartment. the next place wasn't memorable, but the third stop of the day was dingy, at best. imagine a studio apartment. the kitchen is a bank of cabinets across the entrance. the room is dark and covered in wood paneling. that's the palette for the pile of trash filling the space. it reminding me of a dorm room. the kitchen's functionality was expanded with a card table and the tv "entertainment center" was a headboard from an old oak bedroom set. there were empty beer cans, old cigarette butts and stains from god knows what in every empty floor space. under the tv (our workspace) was a litter box filled to the brim with cat waste. two cats were wandering around hissing at each other in disgust. on the floor, occupying the majority of the apartment was the bed. calling it a bed sounds almost too fancy. what it really was was a mattress. it was covered in pillows and misc items as evidence the the girl lives on that "bed." and my favorite. no sheets on this mattress. the place smelled like cats, cigarettes and filth. ick.
our final stop of the day took it up a notch. we drove up to a fairly large house most likely constructed in the 60s or 70s. the yard looked well kept and overall it seemed like it was going to be an average house - normal, i guess. as soon as the lady opened the door and we walked through past the threshold it was obvious there was nothing normal about it. she is a hoarder. i would say she is in mid stage of compiling her "collection." as we moved through the house seeing where she wanted a new tv hooked up and a fax line added, i had to stop myself from letting my jaw hit the floor. every conceivable flat surface was covered with about a foot of stuff. the kitchen, which was freshly remodeled with new cabinets, tile floor, stainless steel appliances (including a fancy hood for the cooktop), granite counter tops and a brand new 36" plasma screen tv, was buried. buried in crap. the office had a desk and boxes piled to the ceiling. things were falling in on themselves while we spent time giving the space a fax line that would no doubt allow for more paperwork to pile up. around each corner was something new. old cans of food, unopened. books piled on more books. new pillows still in their plastic wrapping from the store. craft books and sewing supplies thrown around with disregard to their use. going up the stairs was a balancing act as there was very little stair space left open for feet. at one point i saw a stuffed pound puppy from my childhood. i was baffled. how does a person get to this point? how far will it go? is it a compulsive buying problem? on one entertainment center sat two unplugged lamps. each were wrapped in plastic with a layer of dust from time passing. sale tags still attached. there was so much unopened stuff everywhere. some of it high dollar stuff. the tv's: huge monstrosities. the main one was bigger than my fridge. i've looked online and the biggest one i can find for sale is around 5' in size. i couldn't stop thinking how much the thing must have cost the family. for our final task we hooked up an extra cable box in the son's room. his space wasn't much better then the rest of the house. i took my time looking around (not poking, just looking). he graduated from college in 2005 with an environmental science degree. worked out a lot at 24 hour fitness due to his immense collection of gym specific vitamins. iphone. ipod. computer. huge tv. covered in a layer of crap. i compiled a picture of what this guy must be like. then he came home. he was like the house. normal looking. like your all american frat guy.
the large quantity of stuff baffled me, but what really drove me crazy was the pet of the house. the customer was far from pleasant to us, but she treated her dog with deep hatred. the dog was a young pointer. when we arrived the dog was sooooo happy to see new people and was darting back and forth around the house. the lady of the house put the dog outside and took us around from room to room to see each cable jack. within 5 minutes the dog worked the sliding glass door open. genius. he ran around excited as ever and the woman started screaming, or rather barking orders, at the dog. as we worked around the house the dog kept us company. he was sweet, hyper, but sweet. however, whenever the mood struck her, the lady would pull out a remote linked to a collar on the dogs neck and hit a button. each time he was tazed he would squeal in pain and run away. my heart would break. dirty messes are one thing, but bringing pain to a dog, or worse if a child is being abused, my emotions dive.
so this is a snapshot of what my first day of work with the cable company. after this day, i questioned if i was going to be able to handle the job.
the second day was not quite as bad.
thankfully.
what a ride the last few weeks have been.
two weeks ago I began working for a cable installation company. I figure it's the best job i could take to get into the electrician's union. that it, get experience in a trade. well, and the pay is exactly what I was making at the cafe minus all the responsibility. with benefits. no brainer.
upon starting the job i was thrown into the world of people that are very different from myself. whether it be the people i work with or the customers i deal with daily. before I was thrust into the world of cable customers our bosses took the newbies out for lunch and then shopping for some new workwear. this was amazing because i walked away with a new pair of carhartts and an expensive pair of work boots - no cost to me. then they hooked us up with all the gear we could possibly need to do the job, including a van (although i didn't get that till this week. oh, and it's a super-sexy minivan.)
In both the first and second week i rode along with other techs getting a glimpse of the job. first, I rode with one of the two other women. she seemed indifferent to me tagging along, so I kept my mouth shut and observed. now, me keeping my mouth shut, is almost an impossible feat. by the time i ventured to a friend's house on thurs for a game of poker i was ready to burst. i didn't shut up the whole night and lost my $5. i have taken the approach that since i am in unfamiliar territory I would rather feel people out before i start showing who i am and sticking my foot in my mouth. I'm glad too because the first tech made a very showing comment towards the end of the week.
"happy valley (a new area of mcmansions on the outskirts of portland) is full of snobs. but not like those bike-riding yuppie snobs in sellwood. or the bike-riding snobs from the alberta area who only get limited basic cable."
i ride my bike to work. i live three blocks from alberta. i have limited basic cable. you know what she thinks of my types. she also brought up immigration issues. let's just say i don't agree with her. i didn't say much back thinking that the only direction a conversation was going to go was to a fight. I'm glad i've kept my mouth shut. who knows what other things would have come up....
i also took this philosophy towards food choices while we were on the road. I'm not going to bring up that I try to avoid any national chains and that i try to stay away from wheat (not meat). that would leave absolutely nothing to eat in the burbs. I would have packed my lunch but time was limited in that first week. in four days i ate at olive garden, burgerville (a local chain of my picking, but still fast food), subway and taco bell. after a run for the border i ran to the bathroom. my gut was finished. on friday i brought a salad. i've packed everyday since then.
on the last day of the the first week i rode with someone different. upon hopping in the van i was figuratively transported back to kentucky. "so what radio station do you listen to?" silence. "i listen to country and christian rock, so if you don't like just say so." we listened to country the rest of the day. at lunch we met up with one of his buddies. within the first five minutes of sitting down the guy was making sexually lude wisecracks. now I'm not easily offended (for those from UC: after being in studio with foo i don't think anything is a shock to me), but how does this guy know that. he's never met me. he launched right into it. if i were someone else that conversation could have been a serious bad moment for him. i was shocked at how bold he was. after lunch they proceeded to sing country songs about being a real man over their walkie-talkies and race their vans down the road. from that point on every tech i rode with made me long for the day when i will be on my own. alone, listening to npr or in complete silence, eating my salad at a park.
my compadres are one side of the job, but nothing compares to the customers and their homes. there are all types out there. i'll write more on that soon. i promise.
update.
Since finishing my class at the beginning of March, I have stepped out into the real world to brave finding a construction job. It's a tough road to tread all alone and I've had some moments where I have lost focus on my original ideas, but all in all, things are moving forward. The first week out there really rattled me, but I think it actually helped me clarify some things. First I got a lead about a small painting and construction company needing an office person. Not hands on, but moving in the right direction. I really just needed something to carry me through till I get into the electrician's union. The minute I walked in the had me fill out an application. While I was sitting there, the manager belittled the man next to me. my thoughts: is this guy seriously putting down one of his employees and micro-managing him in front of me? hmmm...requested wage? he couldn't pay me enough to work for him.... put down WAY too much... While I talked to him he looked over my past experience and looked for words that would not sound sexist - he told me I'd be better off being a designer than swinging a hammer. Phew. Thank god I priced myself out of that one.
Same week, next day. I worked a catering gig at work and missed the only application date in the month of March for the electrician's union. This means that I will probably not interview with the group interviewing in April. Missed it completely. Next likely interview time: Oct. Which all-in-all puts my time-line out almost a year. Then, I found out a friend got an unbelievably high score on his electrician's interview. In the 90s. Granted he's done construction-type work all his life. But it burned my britches. I was so jealous. Oh, and the clincher in my day/week was when a friend told me, that from her experience working with electricians, I was going to have a hard time getting a job in the field - I'm too girly for them. grrrrr....
I spent the rest of my week feeling defeated and considering other options. Then one of my classmates from the tradeswomen class snapped me out of it. She asked me, "you know what you want to do, right?" Yeah. "And you know what you have to do to get in right?" Yeah. "Then do it." OK. It's great having friends that are going through the same struggle so that we can give each other support. it's a built in fan club that understands the difficulties involved.
So, even though i don't know if i completely believe my friend claiming i'm too girly, it made me reconsider how people perceive me. so...I bought a man-fit. or man-suit. Basically an outfit to strip me of my femininity. It's humorous in that I have never felt girly and am kinda insecure about it. Never have I been told that I am too much like a girl. I went to the store, picked out a pair of men's khaki's and dress shirt from the sale rack and walked out a new women - strike that - "man."
I wore this outfit to an interview with a cable installer. And, of all things, I interviewed with two women. HA! so ironic. but all the same, I got a job offer the next day! I'm currently waiting for them to finish the background check. This was a positive move in the right direction.
I also made a decision to apply for the sheet metal workers union. they were great when we visited and i had a feeling that i needed to go back there. the visit reaffirmed how i felt about them. they are great. such helpful, nice people. I felt like i was actually wanted when i was there instead of feeling like an odd person for even applying. Interview was yesterday (quick turnaround too!). It went well, i think. It will be nice to have choices for once. although it's hard when you heart is in two places.
yesterday i also went back to the electrician's union and re-applied to their apprenticeship. (yesterday was the third tuesday of the month...i remembered this time...). This morning I got a phone call from the hall - they are squeezing me into the interviews in may!!!!!! I did a celebration dance in my apartment!!!!
I know it can be confusing for people to follow where I'm at in trying to make the best decision for my career (an life). I think my feelings come from a deep seeded place and come with a lot of history (as does everyone, i suppose) so explaining myself sometimes is hard. I have dreams of buildings tied deeply to the natural flow of the earth and community with a modern design touch and affordable price tag. I know I want to be both building these spaces with my hands and instructing others with a knowledge of the craft of building. The road i'm on is how I see myself getting there. I do not see my career as a straight path. Therefore, i think it can be hard to convey without sounding wishy-washy. That and that unlike a lot of people, I show everyone my process of figuring things out, rather than stating one thing as my final conclusion. Just so I'm clear as mud....there probably will never be a conclusion. I will always be refining myself and my future.... Thanks for making this journey with me. I love the support and hearing that people are enjoying my crazy life.
