everyone always wants to know what it's like to work in a field dominated by men. how do they treat you? I've worked a number of jobs in the last ten years. some with a good ratio of diversity and some not so much. in most of them, i've been treated as another worker. i would say fairly. however, i've also seen discrimination in jobs that appear to be the most professional and require the highest levels of education. I also seen sexual harassment in a educational setting that was meant to be a safe space to learn and grow. I was not scared of harassment and discrimination on the job site. i was most nervous about proving myself as a worker.
the guys i work with on my current job are all around extremely helpful and eager to share their knowledge. they have taught me so much in a short amount of time. they have a lot of stories and recognize that i am hard worker. i feel a lot of respect for their experience and amazing personalities. they tell stories and love to razz each other. i love it.
that's the good. then there is a flip side. i have a tough skin so i'm barely phased by a lot of things. however, within the first day, i was the shocked recipient of classic sexual harassment. it came in form of sexually loaded comments about my body. i almost didn't believe it at first and i was left with a dilemma - how do i handle it? I've sat through so many corporate seminars about how to handle it. "call this number." "talk to your supervisor or hr." "we have an open door policy." "we will not tolerate it." you all know the "talks" i'm talking about. but it's never as clear cut as sounds and i never imagined i'd be someone in that position. i mean, it's my first day. i don't know any of the crew or the dynamics between them. he's a journeyman, i'm an apprentice. i just want to do a good job and prove that i'm capable without drawing attention to myself for other reasons. but instead of just going straight to work without any hassles, i encounter a guy that starts making slimy comments to me, about me. i knew i needed to do something about it, but how was i supposed to handle it? so i waited. timing is everything. and more comments came. so i started writing them down. i was lucky enough to not have to work with the guy often, and with every comment he gave i didn't react. he weirded me out though. i was nervous to be alone with him and worried about him following me into spaces while i was alone. theses are the situations that scream classic harassment. but i also had a feeling that he didn't mean harm as well. i thought that it was possible his statements came from a place of not knowing how to communicate appropriately with women. professionally communicate. he only knows the sexual level. i figured i needed to let him know it wasn't ok, but how?
overall the comments had tapered off a little bit. a couple of weeks ago he made a small comment in front of another guy apprentice on our walk to our cars. i saw my moment to set my disapproval. "you know, sometimes you're really creepy." the apprentice laughed. the journeymen looked shocked.
then last week i was partnered to work with him. alone. the morning went well. then afternoon came and went. no problems. day two, and almost immediately he made a comment. now was my moment. "you know, that was creepy."
"you really think i'm creepy?"
"ummmm...." a long pause. work continues. "you know, i don't necessarily think you're a creep, but some of the things you say to me are inappropriate at times and what you said before is a good example."
"oh." he scratches his head.
"i've got a tough skin, but there is a boundary that shouldn't be crossed and you moved past it." i felt like i had finally said it, but had he heard what I was saying?
silence followed for awhile. we worked and conversation went to other topics. finally, as we were wrapping things up for the day..."i want to thank you for saying something to me earlier. i didn't mean anything..."
i had been heard! "no problem. no hard feelings." i was amazed that i had approached that icky situation and been successful without getting anyone in trouble or making it more uncomfortable. i followed my gut feeling that he didn't mean anything malicious by his comments even if they did make me nervous.
the next day i ran into him alone before work started. "you know, i told my girlfriend about you last night and what you said to me about....you know...and she asked me what i had said. i told her and she told me i was an idiot. i just wanted to say thank you for having the balls to say something to me."
god, i can't believe i handled it! and then he thanked me for saying something to him! twice! unbelievable. i know that people can't always handle sexual harassment and discrimination in that way, but i found that once i established myself as a good worker and gave him the benefit of the doubt (despite being totally creeped out) and a chance to right the situation it worked out in the end. this guy wasn't a complete asshole, just clueless and tactless. it gave me strength and the next time i encounter anything like that i know i can handle it, maybe not in the same way, but it's possible. we are all capable of so much more than we are.
